MARRIAGE

 

LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING. THAT IS WHAT THEY SAY. 

And i dont disagree it is. I remember when i first fell in love with my husband Tee. The first thing i thought to myself was "Oh Boy! i'm in so much trouble" But what the hell! You cannot and i mean you can never reject love. It doesn't matter how Gangster or strong you are, but in the face of love, You are weak.
So tee and i have been together for 8 years now. I cannot imagine how fast time flies. The other day i was sitting around with Tee and one of his friends talking, and Tee said something that really Irritated me. I always find him annoying at times because of the way he talks. The same thing that actually made me fall in love with him, annoys me so much today.
Its funny because, it is one of those things i was willing to put up with in the name of love. back then i was in love (don't get me wrong, i still love him. Heaven knows how i miss him when he is far away) But, at the same time, i always wish that he would dissapear. Sometimes he annoys me so much that i just keep creating scenarios in my head, about how i would leave him and live happily. Of course i would never do that.
What i find so interesting is that, the same things that you love about your partner when you first meet, do not forget them, they will come in handy when you are bored and have gotten so much used to them years later on. Some of the things that you used  to ignore because you were in love, will come back to you.
As they say 
FOREVER IS A LONG LONG LONG TIME. 

SEPARATION

 

Back to basics

5 months into my pregnancy with G. Tee and i weren't doing well. I was hopeless. I felt like the universe was working against me. Here i am pregnant, no job, Tee has no job, we can't even pay rent. So Tee decided it was a great time for me to go home. Because at home, my parents i=would take care of me. As well as the pregnancy. The plan was for me to go home, and for him to go to another town where he had been promised a job. I couldn't understand why i couldn't just go with him. but he insisted. I was afraid of going home. what were my parents going to say about my pregnancy? Tee insisted that i should first inform them that i was pregnant before going home. So, that was what i did. I went up to the hill, to call my mum. I needed the serenity and quiet of nature. i told tee that i would go alone. i wanted to do this alone. so i called my mum. 

"Hi mum, how are you"

"I'm fine"

"So mum, i need to tell you something, i'm 5 months pregnant," i thought i should just get it over with. that silence i felt it go on forever, i even thought she had hanged up on me. 

"Okay!" she finally said and hang up. i knew that was the end. no way i was going home. so i laid down on the rock under the tree and watched the sky. i wondered what the universe had in store for me. after a while, i went back to the house.

"So, how did it go?" Tee asked me. 

"Not so well, she didn't say anything, she even hang up on me" Tee hugged me. somehow he always knew the right thing to say.

"Well, at least now she knows, she won't be surprised when she sees you"

"no way am going home after all that"

"C'mon babe, we already talked about this, you have to. i can't take care of you. at least think of the baby. you will be safer at home"

i wasn't sure what to say, so i just stayed quiet. In my mind, i was sure that i would never see him again. so i packed my bags and belongings and decided upon the day that i would go home. the day was a Friday. that day i woke up early just to see the sun rise over those hills i loved so much, we smoked some weed and laid down on the rocks, embracing the warmth and sounds of nature. we took a video with each of us saying our goodbyes. i won't lie but that was the saddest day of my life. i cried like a baby. i was very sure that i was never going to see Tee again, ever. So he took me to the bus station and hugged him for like 10 minutes before finally getting on that bus. and that was it. that was the goodbye.

"C'mon babe, you see me in no time. okay! i just need to get a few things in order, so i can be able to take care of you guys! okay!" i nodded my head.

"Take care of the baby for me"

as the bus left the stage, i kept looking back until he was no longer visible, that was it. i closed my eyes and wished that the bus would move at the speed of a snail. 

BABIE'S

 

Hello guys, it has been a ride. A ride and a journey that has shown me a world, that I could never imagine. Tee and I have been through hell and back. There are so many times I contemplated leaving him. But leaving someone when there are children involved, is hard, how do you even start explaining to your children why their father is suddenly not around? In addition, being a single parent is something that I would not like to engage in. I would rather fight with Tee every day but have him raise his kids as well. Not like I would do any better than him. There are so many times we have fought. So many times we have argued, with each one of us feeling exhausted with the other and with the life we chose. But at the end of the day, we have each other. It is safe to say that love prevails. As you recall from my very earlier post, Tee was not comfortable with being a father the first time I got pregnant. "He was not ready" as if ever anyone is ever ready to have a child. The second time I got pregnant Tee was working, and believe me, I was afraid to tell him that I was pregnant because I knew how he would react. I stayed for a month, without mentioning the pregnancy, then I decided it was time. So I went to visit him at his workplace and told him the news. you could see the blood drain from his face. I was right about how he would react. The first thing he told me was " Can't you..." what? I asked him "you know.." he replied. Tee I'm not getting an abortion. that is out of the question. We are already parents to one baby, So let the worst happen, but I will be giving birth to this baby. To be honest I was also afraid, not of raising the baby, but about my parents. They would just start criticizing me and how fast I'm rushing to have babies. So as it turned out, I was right about the criticism because it did happen, but I still gave birth to a beautiful baby. 

Now, the problem lies in that we have another challenge in our hands. I am pregnant again. and for the third time. As usual, Tee is not yet ready to be a father to three kids. the first two kids are already driving him crazy. as usual, when I told him, the first thing was, "Can't you just have an abortion, and then when we are well off (of course that means enough money as if money is ever enough) we can arrange to have a baby" as usual I refused. so here I am now. pregnant again. am not even ready to hear what my parents have to say. 

does this happen in every marriage, fear of having babies? i don't know. but parenting, adulting, motherhood, is taking a whole lot of my energy.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Motherhood

 

I have to be honest, motherhood has taken a toll on me. I even forgot how to write! Long story short, I got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful child named G. As if that is not enough, I also got a sibling for him. Tee and I have been working tirelessly to provide for our children. Needles to say, I have discovered a few things in my parenting journey that I look forward to sharing with you. The other day I found Tee and me arguing over giving our child a punishment. I did not approve of his methods and he did not like me telling him how to parent his own child. But, mothers are always right. So I won that argument. Over the years we have found ourselves arguing over raising our children. This brings me to the next topic of my blog post... Do children break up relationships? 

Another Year

 

WOW!! I cannot believe another year is here. 2020 just went buy as if it was being blown by the wind. A lot has happened this year with Corona and so much more. On that note, I hope you are keeping safe. 

Mama G's journey continues early next year. I remember the last post like my life depended on it. Actually, I don't have a very good reason as to why I stopped writing, but deep down in my heart I actually know the reason why I stopped writing. And if you guessed it, Love was the reason.

You know, when I was a young girl, I never thought much about life and the future. I grew up in an upcountry. Growing up in the upcountry, Life was really sweet, every day was an adventure, going to the river to fetch water and to fish, going to the forest to gather some firewood, exploring the vast wildness and the forest. every day was simply an adventure. At night we would sit and gather by the fireplace and either my grandfather or my grandmother would tell us stories. we always looked forward to the stories. they were really captivating. I have to say that they were gifted in storytelling. Furthermore, in my tribe, the grandparents and the children, belong to the same age group. I think that is the reason why they understand children so well. quite a contradictory if you ask me.

Living upcountry, there was no electricity. believe me, we just heard stories about electricity. However, a shopping center was soon established nearby in the village and it had electricity. We would go there at night just to see the wonder that is electricity. However, I loved my life. Playing in the fields and stealing fruits from other people's lands, climbing trees, and many more. Moving to the city filled me with a lot of sadness. I was no longer able to watch the sky at night because of all the lights, there were no chilling forests to go for an adventure, no natural rivers to fish and swim, nothing. however, there was electricity. which made me fall in love with watching television. And since then, movies became my new passion. They still are, the only way I would cope with life was either watching a movie or writing. that was my medicine.

However, I met Tee and he showed me how to think about the future, how to think about tomorrow. He was so different from me, that I was amazed at how he viewed the world. however, our differences were the main reasons for our arguments. Personally, I don't know why people look for love and dream of being in love. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't fall in love, but don't look for it, it will find you when you least expect it, and be ready for your world to change. A complete change. Because from my experience, love rocked my world, it changed everything I knew and opened me up to this new world. A world that I had no idea existed. I think one of the main things that falling in love took away from me was writing. Writing has and will always be my passion. but having fallen in love, it became quite challenging to write anything. This is ironic if you ask me because I thought love is supposed to inspire. 

Tune in next year as my journey to motherhood continues.

Happy holidays and may you have a happy new year.