Hello guys, it has been a ride. A ride and a journey that has shown me a world, that I could never imagine. Tee and I have been through hell and back. There are so many times I contemplated leaving him. But leaving someone when there are children involved, is hard, how do you even start explaining to your children why their father is suddenly not around? In addition, being a single parent is something that I would not like to engage in. I would rather fight with Tee every day but have him raise his kids as well. Not like I would do any better than him. There are so many times we have fought. So many times we have argued, with each one of us feeling exhausted with the other and with the life we chose. But at the end of the day, we have each other. It is safe to say that love prevails. As you recall from my very earlier post, Tee was not comfortable with being a father the first time I got pregnant. "He was not ready" as if ever anyone is ever ready to have a child. The second time I got pregnant Tee was working, and believe me, I was afraid to tell him that I was pregnant because I knew how he would react. I stayed for a month, without mentioning the pregnancy, then I decided it was time. So I went to visit him at his workplace and told him the news. you could see the blood drain from his face. I was right about how he would react. The first thing he told me was " Can't you..." what? I asked him "you know.." he replied. Tee I'm not getting an abortion. that is out of the question. We are already parents to one baby, So let the worst happen, but I will be giving birth to this baby. To be honest I was also afraid, not of raising the baby, but about my parents. They would just start criticizing me and how fast I'm rushing to have babies. So as it turned out, I was right about the criticism because it did happen, but I still gave birth to a beautiful baby.
Now, the problem lies in that we have another challenge in our hands. I am pregnant again. and for the third time. As usual, Tee is not yet ready to be a father to three kids. the first two kids are already driving him crazy. as usual, when I told him, the first thing was, "Can't you just have an abortion, and then when we are well off (of course that means enough money as if money is ever enough) we can arrange to have a baby" as usual I refused. so here I am now. pregnant again. am not even ready to hear what my parents have to say.
does this happen in every marriage, fear of having babies? i don't know. but parenting, adulting, motherhood, is taking a whole lot of my energy.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
