CHANGE

MY FINAL YEAR WAS ALSO OUR THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH TEE. PEOPLE OFTEN ASKED US WHEN IS YOUR ANNIVERSARY?" AND WE WOULD LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BE LIKE WE DONT REALLY HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY. THE FIRST TIME I SAW TEE IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE SAW ME, AND WE NEVER REALLY GOT FORMAL ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, HE NEVER ASKED ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND AND I NEVER ASKED HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND, I DONT THINK WE EVEN EVER DATED. WE JUST LET LIFE CARRY AS ALONG, WE WERE BASICALLY GOOD FRIENDS WHO ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY AND PEOPLE JUST ASSUMED WE WERE A COUPLE, AND I GUESS WE WERE SINCE WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER AND LIVED TOGETHER. SO TO GIVE PEOPLE THE ANSWER THEY NEEDED ABOUT WHEN WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY, WE DECIDED TO COME UP WITH A DATE, MOSTLY WE WOULD USE THE FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX BUT IT SEEMED SO ODD, SO WE JUST GAVE IT JANUARY 1ST.
MY FOURTH YEAR UNITS SEEMED PRETTY SIMPLE AND I WAS SO EXCITED, BUT THERE WAS THIS LECTURER I REALLY DID HATE AND IT TURNED OUT HE WAS GOING TO TEACH US ONE OF THE UNITS. I WAS SO FURIOUS I NEVER ATTENDED HIS UNIT THE WHOLE SEMESTER. I DID QUITE WELL ON MY FOURTH YEAR FIRST SEM BUT I DID FAIL ONE UNIT, THAT LECTURERS UNIT. LATER I CAME TO FIND OUT THAT IT WAS REALLY SIMPLE AND IF I HAD PUT MY HATRED ASIDE I WOULD HAVE PASSED THE UNIT. SCHOOL WAS EASY FOR ME BUT EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICAL, MY DEMONS CAUGHT UP WITH ME THAT SEMESTER.
I WAS ALWAYS DEPRESSED I GAVE TEE A HARD TIME, I COULDNT EVEN UNDERSTAND MYSELF. I KEPT ASKING GOD WHAT IS LIFE? WHY I'M I EVEN LIVING? AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING. WEED PLAYED A BIG PART IN KEEPING ME SANE THAT SEMESTER WHICH MEANS I SMOKED A LOT OF IT, I DEPENDED ON IT. I SPENT MORE TIME WITH NATURE TO TRY AND SEE IF MY MIND WOULD BE AT PEACE, BUT I FELT PEACEFULL ONLY WHEN I WAS HIGH WHEN I WAS NOT I COULD FEEL MYSELF GOING CRAZY.
THE DEPRESSION HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY CHILD. A FRIEND OF MINE GOT PREGNANT AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED, WE SPENT MOST OF THE TIME TOGETHER AND SHE WOULD SHARE ALL HER HOPES AND DREAMS WITH ME ABOUT HER CHILD. WE WENT BABY SHOPPING AND EVERY MOMENT GOT ME MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED. NORMALLY AM NOT ONE TO REGRET BUT THIS TIME I DID. I KEPT THINKING WHAT IF? WHAT IF? MY BABY WOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOW, I WOULD BE HOLDING HIM IN MY ARMS. BUT THE DEED WAS DONE AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH MY DEMONS.
I DECIDED TO GO HOME AND SEE IF A CHANGE IN ENVIRONMENT WOULD HELP GET RID OF MY DEMONS BUT IT DID NOT, I EVEN FELT MORE DEPRESSED. MY DAD KEPT ASKING ME WHAT WAS WRONG AND I HAD TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE EVERY TIME. MY MUM TOLD ME "CHERRY YOU LOOK SO UNHAPPY, WHAT IS WRONG?" AND I WOULD BE LIKE NOTHING MUM I'M FINE. THE QUESTIONS GOT MORE INTENSE AND I DECIDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, TO AVOID THE QUERIES.
I DID NOT WIN THE BATTLE BUT I DID A GOOD JOB IN PRETENDING TO BE SANE UNTIL THE SEMESTER WAS OVER. WHAT I DID NOT KNOW WAS THAT, THAT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING. LIFE HAD MORE PLANS FOR ME COME THE FOLLOWING SEMESTER.

FINAL YEAR

AFTER MY INTERNSHIP, WHICH I DID EXTREMELY WELL AND LEARNT A LOT, I WENT HOME FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS. THE HOLIDAY WAS FOR FOUR WEEKS BUT I NEEDED TWO WEEKS TO MYSELF. SO AFTER THE TWO WEEKS HOLIDAY AT HOME, I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL. MY MAIN THEME FOR THOSE TWO WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED WAS; SMOKING A LOT OF WEED, EATING WHATEVER I WANT, SLEEPING AND WATCHING MOVIES. THAT WAS MY PLAN.
I HAD ALREADY GIVEN UP ON TEE, IT HAD BEEN THREE MONTHS AND HE STILL HAD NOT COME BACK. EVERY TIME WE TALKED HE WOULD BE LIKE, I PROMISE NEXT WEEK I WILL COME, SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN. FINALLY, I LEARNT THAT NEXT WEEK WAS NEXT MONTH AND NEXT MONTH PROBABLY NEXT YEAR.
ONE TIME WE WERE TALKING AND HE TOLD ME, I SWEAR BABE, I WILL COME TOMORROW AND I TOLD HIM, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT BUT YOUR TOMORROW NEVER COMES.
SO WE ENDED THE CONVERSATION RIGHT THERE. IT WAS AROUND 5PM, LIKE MY NORM, I WENT TO MY DEALER GOT MYSELF SOME WEED, BOUGHT SUPPER AND WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE, TO SMOKE AND COOK. THERE WAS A KNOCK AND I FROWNED BECAUSE HERE I WAS ENJOYING MY HIGH MOMENTS AND SOMEONE WANTS TO CUT THAT SHORT. SO I OPENED THE DOOR AND YES, TEE STOOD THERE JUST STARING AT ME WITH A MISCHEVIOUS SMILE.
 I MEAN IT HAD BEEN THREE MONTHS, HE EXPECTED ME TO HUG HIM AND KISS HIM AND BE OVER MYSELF WITH JOY BUT I WASNT DOING ANY OF THAT. SO WE STARED AT EACH OTHER FOR A GOOD 5MINUTES, THEN WE HUGGED. HE WAS LIKE
"BABE YOU DONT LOOK SO HAPPY TO SEE ME"
"OF COURSE AM NOT"
"BUT I THOUGHT YOU MISSED ME"
"WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG" WE STARED AT EACH OTHER. EVERY TIME I SAW HIM AFTER A LONG TIME IT WAS ALWAYS WEIRD, LIKE "WHAT DO WE DO NOW?"
SO I GAVE HIM SOME WEED, HE SMOKED AND WE STARTED TALKING, HE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT HIS TIME IN THE COUNTRY AND WE LAUGHED, WE LISTENED TO MUSIC AND WE ATE.
I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MUCH EMPTY THE HOUSE WAS UNTIL WE STARTED TALKING, I MEAN I HAD MISSED HIM MORE THAN I THOUGHT. I THINK WEED SHOULD BE GIVEN ALL THE CREDIT BUT LOVE WAS ALSO IN THE AIR SO WHEN YOU COMBINE BOTH IT WAS A LOVELY EXPERIENCE.
I WAS NOW IN MY FOURTH AND FINAL YEAR IN CAMPUS, AND ONLY 1WEEK WAS REMAINING TO THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER. I STILL HAD MY RESOLUTIONS TO WORK HARD. BUT LIFE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME.