CHANGE

MY FINAL YEAR WAS ALSO OUR THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH TEE. PEOPLE OFTEN ASKED US WHEN IS YOUR ANNIVERSARY?" AND WE WOULD LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BE LIKE WE DONT REALLY HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY. THE FIRST TIME I SAW TEE IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE SAW ME, AND WE NEVER REALLY GOT FORMAL ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, HE NEVER ASKED ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND AND I NEVER ASKED HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND, I DONT THINK WE EVEN EVER DATED. WE JUST LET LIFE CARRY AS ALONG, WE WERE BASICALLY GOOD FRIENDS WHO ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY AND PEOPLE JUST ASSUMED WE WERE A COUPLE, AND I GUESS WE WERE SINCE WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER AND LIVED TOGETHER. SO TO GIVE PEOPLE THE ANSWER THEY NEEDED ABOUT WHEN WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY, WE DECIDED TO COME UP WITH A DATE, MOSTLY WE WOULD USE THE FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX BUT IT SEEMED SO ODD, SO WE JUST GAVE IT JANUARY 1ST.
MY FOURTH YEAR UNITS SEEMED PRETTY SIMPLE AND I WAS SO EXCITED, BUT THERE WAS THIS LECTURER I REALLY DID HATE AND IT TURNED OUT HE WAS GOING TO TEACH US ONE OF THE UNITS. I WAS SO FURIOUS I NEVER ATTENDED HIS UNIT THE WHOLE SEMESTER. I DID QUITE WELL ON MY FOURTH YEAR FIRST SEM BUT I DID FAIL ONE UNIT, THAT LECTURERS UNIT. LATER I CAME TO FIND OUT THAT IT WAS REALLY SIMPLE AND IF I HAD PUT MY HATRED ASIDE I WOULD HAVE PASSED THE UNIT. SCHOOL WAS EASY FOR ME BUT EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICAL, MY DEMONS CAUGHT UP WITH ME THAT SEMESTER.
I WAS ALWAYS DEPRESSED I GAVE TEE A HARD TIME, I COULDNT EVEN UNDERSTAND MYSELF. I KEPT ASKING GOD WHAT IS LIFE? WHY I'M I EVEN LIVING? AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING. WEED PLAYED A BIG PART IN KEEPING ME SANE THAT SEMESTER WHICH MEANS I SMOKED A LOT OF IT, I DEPENDED ON IT. I SPENT MORE TIME WITH NATURE TO TRY AND SEE IF MY MIND WOULD BE AT PEACE, BUT I FELT PEACEFULL ONLY WHEN I WAS HIGH WHEN I WAS NOT I COULD FEEL MYSELF GOING CRAZY.
THE DEPRESSION HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY CHILD. A FRIEND OF MINE GOT PREGNANT AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED, WE SPENT MOST OF THE TIME TOGETHER AND SHE WOULD SHARE ALL HER HOPES AND DREAMS WITH ME ABOUT HER CHILD. WE WENT BABY SHOPPING AND EVERY MOMENT GOT ME MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED. NORMALLY AM NOT ONE TO REGRET BUT THIS TIME I DID. I KEPT THINKING WHAT IF? WHAT IF? MY BABY WOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOW, I WOULD BE HOLDING HIM IN MY ARMS. BUT THE DEED WAS DONE AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH MY DEMONS.
I DECIDED TO GO HOME AND SEE IF A CHANGE IN ENVIRONMENT WOULD HELP GET RID OF MY DEMONS BUT IT DID NOT, I EVEN FELT MORE DEPRESSED. MY DAD KEPT ASKING ME WHAT WAS WRONG AND I HAD TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE EVERY TIME. MY MUM TOLD ME "CHERRY YOU LOOK SO UNHAPPY, WHAT IS WRONG?" AND I WOULD BE LIKE NOTHING MUM I'M FINE. THE QUESTIONS GOT MORE INTENSE AND I DECIDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, TO AVOID THE QUERIES.
I DID NOT WIN THE BATTLE BUT I DID A GOOD JOB IN PRETENDING TO BE SANE UNTIL THE SEMESTER WAS OVER. WHAT I DID NOT KNOW WAS THAT, THAT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING. LIFE HAD MORE PLANS FOR ME COME THE FOLLOWING SEMESTER.