CHANGE

MY FINAL YEAR WAS ALSO OUR THREE YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH TEE. PEOPLE OFTEN ASKED US WHEN IS YOUR ANNIVERSARY?" AND WE WOULD LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BE LIKE WE DONT REALLY HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY. THE FIRST TIME I SAW TEE IS NOT THE FIRST TIME HE SAW ME, AND WE NEVER REALLY GOT FORMAL ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, HE NEVER ASKED ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND AND I NEVER ASKED HIM TO BE MY BOYFRIEND, I DONT THINK WE EVEN EVER DATED. WE JUST LET LIFE CARRY AS ALONG, WE WERE BASICALLY GOOD FRIENDS WHO ENJOYED EACH OTHERS COMPANY AND PEOPLE JUST ASSUMED WE WERE A COUPLE, AND I GUESS WE WERE SINCE WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER AND LIVED TOGETHER. SO TO GIVE PEOPLE THE ANSWER THEY NEEDED ABOUT WHEN WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY, WE DECIDED TO COME UP WITH A DATE, MOSTLY WE WOULD USE THE FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX BUT IT SEEMED SO ODD, SO WE JUST GAVE IT JANUARY 1ST.
MY FOURTH YEAR UNITS SEEMED PRETTY SIMPLE AND I WAS SO EXCITED, BUT THERE WAS THIS LECTURER I REALLY DID HATE AND IT TURNED OUT HE WAS GOING TO TEACH US ONE OF THE UNITS. I WAS SO FURIOUS I NEVER ATTENDED HIS UNIT THE WHOLE SEMESTER. I DID QUITE WELL ON MY FOURTH YEAR FIRST SEM BUT I DID FAIL ONE UNIT, THAT LECTURERS UNIT. LATER I CAME TO FIND OUT THAT IT WAS REALLY SIMPLE AND IF I HAD PUT MY HATRED ASIDE I WOULD HAVE PASSED THE UNIT. SCHOOL WAS EASY FOR ME BUT EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICAL, MY DEMONS CAUGHT UP WITH ME THAT SEMESTER.
I WAS ALWAYS DEPRESSED I GAVE TEE A HARD TIME, I COULDNT EVEN UNDERSTAND MYSELF. I KEPT ASKING GOD WHAT IS LIFE? WHY I'M I EVEN LIVING? AM A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING. WEED PLAYED A BIG PART IN KEEPING ME SANE THAT SEMESTER WHICH MEANS I SMOKED A LOT OF IT, I DEPENDED ON IT. I SPENT MORE TIME WITH NATURE TO TRY AND SEE IF MY MIND WOULD BE AT PEACE, BUT I FELT PEACEFULL ONLY WHEN I WAS HIGH WHEN I WAS NOT I COULD FEEL MYSELF GOING CRAZY.
THE DEPRESSION HAD EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MY CHILD. A FRIEND OF MINE GOT PREGNANT AND SHE WAS SO EXCITED, WE SPENT MOST OF THE TIME TOGETHER AND SHE WOULD SHARE ALL HER HOPES AND DREAMS WITH ME ABOUT HER CHILD. WE WENT BABY SHOPPING AND EVERY MOMENT GOT ME MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED. NORMALLY AM NOT ONE TO REGRET BUT THIS TIME I DID. I KEPT THINKING WHAT IF? WHAT IF? MY BABY WOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOW, I WOULD BE HOLDING HIM IN MY ARMS. BUT THE DEED WAS DONE AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH MY DEMONS.
I DECIDED TO GO HOME AND SEE IF A CHANGE IN ENVIRONMENT WOULD HELP GET RID OF MY DEMONS BUT IT DID NOT, I EVEN FELT MORE DEPRESSED. MY DAD KEPT ASKING ME WHAT WAS WRONG AND I HAD TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE EVERY TIME. MY MUM TOLD ME "CHERRY YOU LOOK SO UNHAPPY, WHAT IS WRONG?" AND I WOULD BE LIKE NOTHING MUM I'M FINE. THE QUESTIONS GOT MORE INTENSE AND I DECIDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, TO AVOID THE QUERIES.
I DID NOT WIN THE BATTLE BUT I DID A GOOD JOB IN PRETENDING TO BE SANE UNTIL THE SEMESTER WAS OVER. WHAT I DID NOT KNOW WAS THAT, THAT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING. LIFE HAD MORE PLANS FOR ME COME THE FOLLOWING SEMESTER.

FINAL YEAR

AFTER MY INTERNSHIP, WHICH I DID EXTREMELY WELL AND LEARNT A LOT, I WENT HOME FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS. THE HOLIDAY WAS FOR FOUR WEEKS BUT I NEEDED TWO WEEKS TO MYSELF. SO AFTER THE TWO WEEKS HOLIDAY AT HOME, I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL. MY MAIN THEME FOR THOSE TWO WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED WAS; SMOKING A LOT OF WEED, EATING WHATEVER I WANT, SLEEPING AND WATCHING MOVIES. THAT WAS MY PLAN.
I HAD ALREADY GIVEN UP ON TEE, IT HAD BEEN THREE MONTHS AND HE STILL HAD NOT COME BACK. EVERY TIME WE TALKED HE WOULD BE LIKE, I PROMISE NEXT WEEK I WILL COME, SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN. FINALLY, I LEARNT THAT NEXT WEEK WAS NEXT MONTH AND NEXT MONTH PROBABLY NEXT YEAR.
ONE TIME WE WERE TALKING AND HE TOLD ME, I SWEAR BABE, I WILL COME TOMORROW AND I TOLD HIM, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT BUT YOUR TOMORROW NEVER COMES.
SO WE ENDED THE CONVERSATION RIGHT THERE. IT WAS AROUND 5PM, LIKE MY NORM, I WENT TO MY DEALER GOT MYSELF SOME WEED, BOUGHT SUPPER AND WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE, TO SMOKE AND COOK. THERE WAS A KNOCK AND I FROWNED BECAUSE HERE I WAS ENJOYING MY HIGH MOMENTS AND SOMEONE WANTS TO CUT THAT SHORT. SO I OPENED THE DOOR AND YES, TEE STOOD THERE JUST STARING AT ME WITH A MISCHEVIOUS SMILE.
 I MEAN IT HAD BEEN THREE MONTHS, HE EXPECTED ME TO HUG HIM AND KISS HIM AND BE OVER MYSELF WITH JOY BUT I WASNT DOING ANY OF THAT. SO WE STARED AT EACH OTHER FOR A GOOD 5MINUTES, THEN WE HUGGED. HE WAS LIKE
"BABE YOU DONT LOOK SO HAPPY TO SEE ME"
"OF COURSE AM NOT"
"BUT I THOUGHT YOU MISSED ME"
"WELL, YOU THOUGHT WRONG" WE STARED AT EACH OTHER. EVERY TIME I SAW HIM AFTER A LONG TIME IT WAS ALWAYS WEIRD, LIKE "WHAT DO WE DO NOW?"
SO I GAVE HIM SOME WEED, HE SMOKED AND WE STARTED TALKING, HE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT HIS TIME IN THE COUNTRY AND WE LAUGHED, WE LISTENED TO MUSIC AND WE ATE.
I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MUCH EMPTY THE HOUSE WAS UNTIL WE STARTED TALKING, I MEAN I HAD MISSED HIM MORE THAN I THOUGHT. I THINK WEED SHOULD BE GIVEN ALL THE CREDIT BUT LOVE WAS ALSO IN THE AIR SO WHEN YOU COMBINE BOTH IT WAS A LOVELY EXPERIENCE.
I WAS NOW IN MY FOURTH AND FINAL YEAR IN CAMPUS, AND ONLY 1WEEK WAS REMAINING TO THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER. I STILL HAD MY RESOLUTIONS TO WORK HARD. BUT LIFE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME.

WORK

I BEGAN WORKING AT THE COLLEGE BUT GOT BORED EVEN BEFORE THE FIRST DAY WAS OVER. I TRIED TELLING THE PRINCIPAL THAT HE SHOULD UPGRADE THE SCHOOLS RESOURCES BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WAY STUDENTS WERE GOING TO BE COMPETITIVE WITH THOSE KINDS OF RESOURCES. BUT HE JUST IGNORED ME. HE THOUGHT THAT JUST COZ I HAD NOT COMPLETED SCHOOL AND I WAS YOUNG I DIDNT KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
I  COULD RUN THE SCHOOL BETTER THAN HIM AND EVEN IMPROVE THE TURNOUT OF THE STUDENTS. BUT AFTER TRYING TO TALK TO HIM FOR TWO DAYS I GAVE UP. THE SCHOOL WAS OF NO USE TO ME, THERE IS NOTHING NEW I WAS LEARNING THERE. SO I DECIDED TO QUIT AND GO FOLLOW UP ON THE UNIVERSITY. SO THE NEXT DAY WHICH WAS FRIDAY I NEVER SHOWED UP TO WORK AND I DIDNT GIVE HIM A NOTICE.
THE LOCAL UNIVERSITY TURNED OUT THEY HAD AN OPEN SPOT BUT I WAS TO GO TO THE MAIN CAMPUS FOR A WEEK, SO THAT THEY CAN DETERMINE WHETHER I WAS QUALIFIED FOR THE POSITION. I WAS SO HAPPY. I KNEW I WOULD PASS. BECAUSE I'M GREAT WITH REAL LIFE SITUATIONS AND PRACTICAL STUFF I JUST HATE THEORETICAL STUFF ESPECIALLY IF I'M GOING TO BE TESTED. I LIKE THEORY IF I'M READING FOR MY OWN PERSONAL REASONS.
I WENT TO THE CAMPUS FOR A WEEK, I PASSED AND THEY SAID I COULD START MY ATTACHMENT. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I LEARNED A LOT FROM THEM. AND I ALSO GAVE THEM NEW IDEAS TO EMPLOY TO THEIR CAMPUS, WHICH TILL DATE THEY STILL USE AND EVERY TIME I SEE MY WORK I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT SUCH A LOSER.
THOSE THREE MONTHS WERE THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE, I WENT TO WORK HIGH EVERYDAY AND THEY NEVER EVEN NOTICED. GETTING HIGH HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH I MISSING TEE A LOT I MEAN IT HAD BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE WE LAST SAW EACH OTHER AND HE WAS NOT COMING BACK ANYTIME SOON, I WAS KIND OF LONELY.
I HATE THE WORD LONELY, I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I FOUGHT WITH TEE. MIND YOU WE HAD KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A WEEK, MEANING WE REALLY DID NOT KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL AND WE HAD NO LOVE INTEREST WHATSOEVER TOWARDS EACH OTHER, AND HE HAD THE GUTS TO TELL ME THAT I WAS LONELY. I GOT SO MAD THAT I DID NOT TALK TO HIM FOR TWO WEEKS. MOSTLY BECAUSE HE WAS RIGHT AND HE HAD THE COURAGE TO TELL ME THAT.
ANYWAY, MY COLLEAGUES AT WORK LOVED ME SO MUCH THAT EVEN AFTER THE ATTACHMENT THEY TOLD ME I SHOULD GO THERE ANYTIME I WANT TO, I WAS PRACTICALLY FAMILY. ANYWAY, THE END OF MY ATTACHMENT MARKED THE BEGINNING OF MY FOURTH AND FINAL YEAR IN CAMPUS. I MADE RESOLUTIONS THAT I WOULD STUDY SO HARD IN MY FINAL YEAR, I DID NOT LOOK FORWARD TO FAILING ANY UNITS.
LIFE JUST SAT UP THERE WITH A SMIRK ON ITS FACE, TELLING ME "MY DEAR CHERRY, YOU ARE IN FOR SOME BIG SURPRISES"

ATTACHMENT

AFTER I SETTLED DOWN, I CALLED TEE TO INFORM HIM THAT I GOT TO SCHOOL SAFE, WE TALKED A WHILE ABOUT MISSING EACH OTHER AND SOME LOVEY DOVEY BLAHBLAHBLAH. I WAS TOO TIRED TO COOK, I JUST BOUGHT FOOD, MILK, AND WEED. I KNEW THAT AFTER HAVING A SHOWER AND SETTLING DOWN ON THE BED TO WATCH A MOVIE WHILE GETTING HIGH AND EATING, I WILL JUST PASS OUT. AND THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, A FRIEND OF MINE HER NAME WAS WREN, WE WERE TO GO FOLLOW UP ON OUR ATTACHMENT APPLICATIONS SINCE WE HAD APPLIED AT THE SAME ORGANIZATIONS. TIME WAS RUNNING OUT AND I DINT LOOK FORWARD TO FAILING MY ATTACHMENT. AFTER A QUICK SHOWER AND SOME BREAKFAST. WE WENT TO THE RESPECTIVE ORGANIZATIONS.
THERE WAS ONE COLLEGE INSTITUTE THAT OFFERED AS A POSITION AND TOLD US TO REPORT ON WEDNESDAY, IT WAS AN OPPORTUNITY ALRIGHT BUT I DID NOT WANT TO CARRY OUT MY ATTACHMENT THERE. THE SCHOOL FACILITIES WERE OUT, OF DATE, I COULD HAVE BEEN THE PRINCIPAL AND TURN THAT PLACE AROUND. BUT AT LEAST I HAD SOMETHING BEFORE I SECURED A PLACE ON A LOCAL UNIVERSITY THAT I HAD MY EYES SET ON.
AFTER THE DAY I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO GO VISIT MY GRANDFATHER BEFORE I BEGAN MY ATTACHMENT. THE FOLLOWING DAY I TOOK A BUS, AND WITHIN 2 HOURS I WAS ALREADY THERE. HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE ME. I WAS NAMED AFTER HIS WIFE, WHO DIED DURING CHILDBIRTH, I NEVER GOT TO MEET HER.
BUT FROM THE STORIES GRANDPA TOLD ME, SHE WAS AN AMAZING WOMAN. I SPENT THE DAY WITH HIM AND LEFT IN THE EVENING AT AROUND 5PM. NOW I WAS CONTENT AND READY TO FACE THE WORLD.

DEAD END

THE DAY WAS FINALLY HERE, I HAD GROWN SO ATTACHED TO TEE'S VILLAGE THAT I FELT SAD LEAVING. TEE USUALLY TELLS ME THAT I GET ATTACHED TOO MUCH AND I TELL HIM "HOW ABOUT I STOP LOVING YOU RIGHT NOW" AND HE WOULD SAY THAT "YOU KNOW THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE" AND WE WOULD ARGUE UNTIL NO ONE WINS.
IT WAS A SUNDAY AND I HAD TO LEAVE EARLY TO MAKE IT BACK TO SCHOOL EARLY. STAYING AT THE COUNTRY MADE ME MISS MY GRANDFATHER SO MUCH THAT I VOWED ONCE I LEFT, I WOULD GO AND SEE HIM. THAT SUNDAY MORNING I PACKED UP MY STUFF AND IT WAS TIME TO GO. TEE, HIS BROTHER AND HIS FRIEND WERE TO ACCOMPANY ME TO THE BUS STATION. HE SUGGESTED THAT WE SHOULD TAKE A MOTORCYCLE SINCE IT WAS QUITE THE DISTANCE BUT I REFUSED, I WANTED TO WALK AND TAKE IN THE SCENE FOR THE LAST TIME.
WE GOT TO THE BUS STATION, I PURCHASED MY TICKET AND AS WE WAITED, TEE SUGGESTED TO ME THAT THERE IS A PLACE HE KNEW IN TOWN WHERE WE COULD FIND AND SMOKE SOME WEED BEFORE I LEFT. WHO WAS I TO OBJECT? I TOLD HIM WE SHOULD GO. WE WENT, THE THREE OF US.
WE SMOKED AND TALKED AND LAUGHED. TEE'S BROTHER DID NOT SMOKE, BUT SINCE EVERYONE THERE WAS SMOKING HE GOT HIGH THROUGH ALL THAT SMOKE AND HE GOT REALLY TALKATIVE WHICH WAS GOOD COZ IT WAS AMAZING AND HE WAS FUNNY TOO. BY THE TIME WE WERE DONE, I FEARED THE BUS WOULD HAVE ALREADY LEFT. YOU DONT KNOW HOW TIME GOES BY WHEN HIGH. BUT HOW WAS I TO GO ON AN EMPTY STOMACH AFTER SMOKING WEED, SO WE WENT TO A HOTEL AND WE ATE. THEN THEY TOOK ME TO THE BUS STATION.
THE BUS HAD ALREADY LEFT BUT THEY TOLD ME TO GET IN THE NEXT ONE. WHICH HAD ONLY TWO REMAINING SEATS. I HUGGED THEM GOODBYE AND I DID NOT EVEN GIVE TEE A KISS. I FELT SO SAD. GOODBYES ARE SAD FOR ME, I DONT LIKE THEM. I FELT LIKE MY HEART WAS BEING RIPPED APART. I HAD GROWN SO ATTACHED THAT IT FELT SAD TO LEAVE.
THE BUS WAS FULL AND IT WAS TIME TO GO. WE LEFT, I WAVED GOODBYE AGAIN THROUGH THE WINDOW. AFTER SOME DISTANCE I CRIED, I REMEMBERED ALL THOSE MOMENTS AND I ACTUALLY CRIED. I DONT KNOW IF I WAS CRYING FOR TEE OR THE PLACE. I HAVE NEVER CRIED FOR LEAVING A PLACE BUT I DID AND THE PERSON NEXT TO ME ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG AND I SAID SOMETHING GOT IN MY EYE. WHICH WAS A WHITE LIE BECAUSE HOW COULD SO MANY TEARS BE FROM SOMETHING IN MY EYE. HE DID NOT INSIST.
ON THE WAY I SAW ONLY LOVE, ITS FUNNY HOW THE MIND REVEALS THE EXACT SAME THING YOU ARE FEELING AROUND YOU. I SAW TWO KIDS ABOUT 2 YEARS OLD A BOY AND A GIRL, THEY RAN TOWARDS EACH OTHER HUGGED AND KISSED AND THEN THEY SHIED AWAY AND STARTED RUNNING AGAIN. I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN THAT IMAGE.
I SAW A LOT OF LOVERS AND THEY MADE ME ALL THE MORE SAD BUT GLAD THAT I ALSO HAD LOVE. MY JOURNEY GOT TO AN END. I GOT TO SCHOOL JUST IN TIME, BOUGHT FOOD AND WEED AND WENT TO THE HOUSE. IT WAS GOING TO BE SO EMPTY WITHOUT TEE.