ABORT

When i woke up, tee was already home and i was bleeding heavily. i had been warned that that would happen, so i knew that the pills were working. we did not talk much about the situation. tee only enquired how i was feeling and he took care of me.
the guilt wouldn't leave me but the deed had already been done. i had already completed my second year first semester exams. the abortion took place after i had completed my exams. i vowed to myself that i would not have any more sex.
the event drew us more closer, tee and i, if something the love grew stronger. i felt more vulnerable and i did not like how much i needed him. i needed time away from him, so we parted ways and i went back home. everytime i looked at my family, i thought to myself you people have no idea the things i have done. especially my mum.
she was a staunch christian. of course she tried for us to follow the lords ways and be committed. that i was, i had the lord in my heart, everyone is prone to mistakes even the ones we do knowingly.
tee and i kept in touch, he even came home to find out how i was doing. he gave me support and i loved that about him. sometimes i thought to myself that if i never met him, that would not have happenned to me.
he was a nice guy, of all the guys i had met before he was THE MAN. i never told anyone about what i did the only people who new were tee, vik and i. i like sufferring alone, helps me figure things out. there were no health complications untill four weeks later, by then i was back in school but was early by a week since the semester was yet to start.
i was home alone watching a movie, i stood up to go drink some water but then i fainted. my body just grew weak and my legs would not support me.

GUILTY

when i was done crying he asked me if i knew how to do it. i told him i did not but a friend of mine was gonna help me. we smoked some more weed and ate some more and slept on it.
i could not believe that i was going to have an abortion. i asked God to forgive me countless times and so did i ask my child.
a new day was here, the sun was up and the world was shining, but my world was crushing. it felt like i was in darkness. Tee wanted to come with me but i told him no, i was going to do this by myself.
i went and saw the guy, gave him the money and he gave me the pills and gave me the instructions on what to do.
as i went back home, all i thought about was how safe is this, what if i die? i had countless questions . just before i do it, i will have to think about it. i bought some weed, went home cooked a meal and put on a movie to watch. i was too afraid.
cherry you have to see this to the end, after smoking some more weed, i took the pills and slept.
tee was not home.

TERMINATOR

Evening came quite fast. I was not nervous about telling Tee that I was pregnant. But I was nervous about what I was about to do. One time we were having a conversation when we were still friends and he told me that a Girl had aborted his child. I was very sorry for him I mean why would she do that. back then I didn't know I was about to follow the same path. But the story was a lie as I came to find out later, only the words came true.
Tee came home that evening, we talked and laughed and ate and smoked some weed, life was amazing. Somehow I was trying to push the pregnancy talk aside, but I knew soon I would have to tell him.
I was two weeks pregnant when I found out, a friend of mine had told me that if I wished to terminate the pregnancy I would have to do it soon because when it reaches a month and so it would be difficult.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the idea of being pregnant but I wasn't ready. but since I was having reckless, fast and unprotected sex, what did I think would happen.
Finally, I decided that I wasn't going to sleep without telling him so I did.
"Tee I'm pregnant," I told him
"did you take the test?" he looked at me, I couldn't tell from his expression what he was thinking.
"how else would I know?" I looked back at him
"so what do you think? I mean do you want to have the baby?" he asked, I still couldn't tell what he was thinking, his expression gave nothing away. He was a hard Man to decipher. I loved that about him when we first met but now I don't like it. sometimes it just annoys me.
"No I don't, do you?"
"I'm down with whatever you want, I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do." was that some sympathy I saw in his eyes or love? couldn't tell.
"I never thought in my life I would ever have to do this" all of a sudden I started crying. I hate crying in front of anyone.
he turned up the volume so that the music would be loud and hugged me tight and didn't say anything he just held me and let me cry and cry I did.

DILEMMA

Here I was very happy on one hand that at least am not barren but then what will my parents say, how am I even going to raise a child with someone I have barely know for more than a year. We had just started dating. we were in one year. I don't want to raise a child alone, I want it to come to a complete family, Mother, Father, and child. Both living together in one room.
I told a friend of mine and he was very happy, he kept telling me congratulations and I was like thank you but  I can't keep this pregnancy.
"what? but why?"
"am still a child, I just can't do it"
"That's a lame excuse, have you told Tee?" he asked
"no I haven't but it doesn't really matter whether I tell him or not, I will still not have the baby"
"don't do this, you are going to regret this decision for the rest of your life" he begged me
"I know, but that will be my cross to carry"
"well I tried my best, never say I did not warn you when it all comes back to haunt you" he just looked at me with sympathetic eyes
"thanks, Vik I really appreciate it" and with that, he left.
Tee and I had already moved in together, actually am the one who just moved into his place with no warning whatsoever and kept lying to myself that I would leave and move into my own place but every time an opportunity presented itself for me to leave I always found a reason to stay.
Tee was out working that day and had not yet come home, so I decided that when he did come home I would tell him about the pregnancy before i do anything drastic.
I fixed myself a meal and waited....

LOVE

We were deep in love and life was worth living now that we had found each other. We fulfilled each other in all ways, but I forgot about school, I wasn't doing so well my grades kept on dropping but I didn't even care, I was like a woken lion.
The sex was great and we continued having lots of it, lots of unprotected sex. Since I was in high school I always wondered that what if I'm barren and I can't have kids, then what. I love children and I wanted to have lots of them and the continued act of having unprotected sex and my not getting pregnant even made me more worried.
The school was now at the back of my mind, I just went to lectures for the sake of it, I even missed some lectures. I every time I vowed I would do better, but every time something new came up.
My second year Second semester, Now weed was part of my life, I smoked like my life depended on it. It was something to do and it made me feel good, but that's the point of taking drugs, pushing your problems aside and feeling good.
At the end of my second year the second semester I missed my periods and what a shock I was pregnant. I was so excited, I kept saying thank God at least am not barren and now I can have lots of kids. The only problem was, I was still in school and what are my parents going to say. I can't raise a baby right now, I can't even take care of myself properly.
I did not know how Tee was gonna react but he was at the back of my mind, all I knew was it's up to me whatever I decide to do.