BLAME

THEY SAY WHEN YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE, THEN IT IS NO LONGER A MISTAKE BUT A CHOICE. BUT, IS IT REALLY? HERE I WAS AGAIN. THE GOOD THING ABOUT BEING PREGNANT WAS GOD WAS REPEATEDLY TELLING ME, "HEY MY DEAR, AS YOU CAN SEE YOU ARE VERY FERTILE." THAT WAS A GOOD THING I DID NOT NOW HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BEING BARREN. I LOVE KIDS, VERY IRONICAL CO OF THE THINGS I HAD DONE.
THIS TIME I DID NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THE PREGNANCY APART FROM TEE. WHEN HE GOT HOME, I TOLD HIM.
"I'M PREGNANT," I TOLD HIM AFTER WE HAD SUPPER.
"OKAY," HE TOLD ME.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'OKAY'?" I ASKED HIM
"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD USE CONDOMS OR YOU GET CONTRACEPTIVES BUT YOU REFUSED."
"I KNOW THAT AND I WILL STILL NOT USE EITHER OF THE TWO"
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU SHOULD HAVE DENIED ME SEX THEN" HE LOOKED AT ME
"ARE YOU SERIOUS, YOU ARE BLAMING THIS ON ME, NEED I REMIND YOU, YOU WERE A WILLING PARTICIPANT IN THE CREATION OF THIS BABY" I WAS NOW GETTING FURIOUS.
"I DONT DENY THAT." HE TOLD ME
"SO?" I ASKED HIM.
"IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER I WANT THE BABY OR NOT, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU WANT"
"I CANT HAVE THE BABY, I'M NOT READY YET"
"OKAY THEN, WILL YOU GO BACK TO THE SAME GUY OR DO YOU HAVE OTHER PLANS THIS TIME," HE ASKED ME
"STOP BEING SARCASTIC AND YES I WILL JUST GO BACK TO THE SAME GUY TO GET THE PILLS"
"OKAY. I WILL GIVE YOU THE MONEY" WE SAT IN SILENCE.
THEN HE ASKED ME "HOW OLD IS THE BABY?"
"THREE WEEKS" I ANSWERED HIM
"AFTER THIS WE WILL HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL, WE JUST CAN'T GO ON KILLING OUR UNBORN CHILDREN AND YET WE WANT TO HAVE KIDS IN FUTURE"
"I KNOW, BELIEVE ME, I DONT LIKE IT EITHER"
WE PUT ON SOME MUSIC AND WE EACH GOT LOST IN OUR THOUGHTS, AS IF NATURE HAD A MESSAGE FOR US, IT STARTED RAINING AND IT WAS A LONG AND COLD NIGHT.