DONE DEAL

I WENT TO BUY THE DRUGS, WITH MY HEART HEAVY BUT STILL DETERMINED TO GO THROUGH WITH THE PROCESS. IT WAS IRONICAL FOR ME TO ASK GOD FOR A SIGN THAT I WAS NOT BARREN AND YET WHEN GIVEN THE SIGN I ABORT IT.
WHATEVER WILL COME WILL COME I AM ONLY HUMAN AND THE WORLD HAS ITS OWN RULES. ALL THE EXCUSES I WAS TRYING TO GIVE MYSELF TO FEEL BETTER I KNEW THEY WERE ALL LAME.
I MET WITH THE GUY, BOUGHT THE DRUGS AND WENT BACK HOME. NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND. WHEN I GOT HOME AS WAS THE ROUTINE I HAD A SMOKE AND THEN I TOOK THE PILLS AND WENT TO SLEEP TO CURE MY NERVOUSNESS AND GUILT AND ALSO SO THAT WHEN I WOKE UP THE DEED WOULD ALREADY BE DONE.
WHEN I WOKE UP, TEE HAD ALREADY COME HOME, I JUST FOUND HIM WATCHING A MOVIE. I DID NOT EVEN HERE HIM OPEN THE DOOR.
"HEY BABE, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?" HE ASKED ME.
"I'M ALIVE," I TOLD HIM
"DID YOU EXPECT TO DIE?" HE SMIRKED
"I THOUGHT ABOUT IT" I ANSWERED HIM
"GOD HAS GIVEN YOU ANOTHER CHANCE THEN"
"I'M GRATEFUL FOR IT, I JUST HOPE I WON'T MESS UP THIS TIME"
"WE BOTH SHOULD BE CAREFUL"
"OR WE SHOULD JUST BREAK UP," I TOLD HIM
"WE ALREADY TRIED THAT BUT WE DID NOT LAST A DAY"
WE BOTH LAUGHED.
"BTW BABE HAVE A HABIT OF LOCKING THE DOOR, I HAVE KEYS WHEN I GET HOME I WILL OPEN, SOMEDAY SOMEONE WILL JUST COME IN HERE WITHOUT YOU NOTICING COZ YOU SLEEP LIKE THE DEAD" HE LOOKED CONCERNED
"NO ONE WOULD DO THAT" I SMILED
"KEEP ON SMILING THE DAY YOUR LAPTOP GETS STOLEN IS THE DAY YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT" HE KNEW THAT IF HE MENTIONED MY LAPTOP MY VIEW WOULD CHANGE. I LOVED THAT LAPTOP SO MUCH IT WAS LIKE MY CHILD. HE EVEN ARGUED THAT I LOVE IT MORE THAN I LOVE HIM AND I WOULD TELL HIM IT CAME TO MY LIFE BEFORE YOU, SO THE LOVE IS JUSTIFIED.
"NICE MOVE TEE, YOU HAD TO MENTION IT," I TOLD HIM
"I KNEW THAT WOULD GET YOUR ATTENTION". WE LAUGHED AND SMOKED SOME.
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED WE WERE ADDICTED TO EACH OTHER. EVERYONE IN TOWN KNEW ABOUT US WHEN EITHER TEE OR I WAS FOUND ALONE THEY WOULD ASK WHERE THE OTHER WAS. I GOT IRRITATED WITH THOSE QUESTIONS AT TIMES, I WOULD WONDER IF AM HIS KEEPER. BUT, PEOPLE WILL BE PEOPLE. THEY ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW YOUR BUSINESS. BUT THEY LOVED US, WE WERE PROOF THAT TWO PEOPLE COULD STAY TOGETHER.
BUT TEE OFTEN TOLD ME THAT THEY ARE JUST WAITING FOR US TO BREAK UP AND I WOULD TELL HIM THEN THEY WILL DIE BEFORE THEY SEE US BREAK UP, AND WE WOULD LAUGH INTO THE NIGHT.
I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO COOK, SO TEE COOKED SUPPER THAT EVENING AND FED ME, AS IF I WAS ABOUT TO BREAK, I APPRECIATED HIM. I KNEW HE DID THAT COZ HE CARED.
I WAS NOW BLEEDING SO I KNEW THE DRUGS WERE WORKING. EITHER WAY I KNEW TOMORROW WAS A NEW DAY FOR NEW BEGINNINGS IF GOD WILLS ME TO SEE ANOTHER DAY.