HOME

I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE TEE, EVERY TIME I THOUGHT ABOUT HIM I JUST REMEMBERED ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED IN MY LIFE SINCE I MET HIM. THERE WERE A LOT OF GOOD TIMES BUT AT THE MOMENT THE BAD OVERCAME THE GOOD.
I GOT TO THE HOUSE AND IT WAS SPARKLING CLEAN, I MEAN TEE HAD CLEANED UP, HE USUALLY DID THAT WHEN HE THOUGHT HE HAD DONE SOMETHING WRONG AND I WAS MAD AT HIM. HE KNEW A CLEAN AND ORGANIZED HOUSE WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY.
I WASN'T HAPPY BUT I WAS GLAD. HE WASN'T AT THE HOUSE, HE WAS STILL AT THE NEIGHBOURS'. I JUST SAT ON THE BED AND CLOSED MY EYES FOR A MOMENT WHICH TURNED INTO HOURS ONLY TO WAKE UP AT 11P.M. TEE HAD ALREADY COOKED SUPPER AND WAS MAKING A MIXTAPE WITH THE LAPTOP. I LOVED HIS MIXTAPES COZ HIS CHOICE OF SONGS WERE JUST OVER THE TOP.
SLEEP ALWAYS MADE EVERYTHING BETTER, MY HEAD WAS LIGHT DUE TO ALL THE WEED I HAD SMOKED AND NO FOOD AND ADD SOME DEHYDRATION TO THAT, NOT FORGETTING AM PREGNANT.
"HEY BABE" TEE KISSED ME
"HEY, COULD YOU PLEASE GET ME SOME WATER," I TOLD HIM
HE SMILED AND GOT ME WATER. I KNEW THAT SMILE. THE SMILE HE GAVE ME WHEN HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE HAD DONE WRONG.
"I COOKED SUPPER, DO YOU WANNA EAT NOW?"
"YEAH, I'M STARVING" I DONT KNOW WHY BUT HE NEVER ATE WITHOUT ME, HE USUALLY WOKE ME UP WHEN THE FOOD WAS READY SO THAT WE COULD EAT TOGETHER, BUT THAT NIGHT HE DIDN'T WAKE ME UP.
WE ATE IN SILENCE LISTENING TO SOME MUSIC, EVERYONE LOST IN THEIR OWN THOUGHTS. HE FED ME FOOD IN THE MIDST AND WE WOULD LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SMILE.
WHEN WE WERE DONE EATING HE ASKED ME
"BABE, DID YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL?"
"YES"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ME, I TOLD YOU WHEN YOU WERE READY YOU SHOULD TELL ME SO THAT WE COULD GO TOGETHER"
"I WASN'T FEELING LIKE IT, BESIDES YOU LEFT AND YO KNEW WE HAD SOMEWHERE TO GO"
"I LEFT COZ YOU WERE BEING ALL MOODY LIKE NOW"
"FINE, I WENT AND AM 18 WEEKS PREGNANT"
"THAT MEANS THAT THE PILLS DID NOT WORK"
"OBVIOUSLY"
"SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING OF DOING?"
"I TALKED TO THE DOCTOR AND HE TOLD ME THEY DO PERFORM "TERMINATIONS" THAT WAS WHAT HE CALLED IT, SO I WILL GO ON SATURDAY"
"HOW DO YOU FEEL?" HE ASKED ME
"HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? IM DYING INSIDE, OF COURSE, WHY DID MY LIFE HAVE TO TURN OUT THIS WAY AND WHY DID I HAVE TO MEET YOU."
"THAT PART ABOUT MEETING ME I AGREE, I HAVE MADE YOUR LIFE NOTHING BUT TERRIBLE, THERE ARE MANY TIMES I WISH WE NEVER MET, NOT BECAUSE I DONT LOVE YOU BUT BECAUSE YOUR LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER WITHOUT ME." I HATED WHEN HE DID THAT, AGREE WITH ME. I LOVED IT WHEN WE ARGUED. BUT I WAS IN MY WORLD AND I HATED HIM AT THE MOMENT.
"HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW MY LIFE WOULD HAVE TURNED OUT WITHOUT YOU IN IT?"
"IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THIS WAY, THAT IS AS MUCH AS I KNOW"
"WE WILL NEVER KNOW"
"HE MUST BE A FIGHTER, A SURVIVOR IF THE PILLS DID NOT EVEN HARM HIM"
"I THOUGHT THE SAME THING TOO, BUT YOU KNOW IT COULD BE A SHE"
"IT COULD BE, BUT MOST LIKELY ITS A HE"
TEE WAS ALL I HAD TO LEAN ON AND HE UNDERSTOOD MY SITUATION. HE HUGGED  ME AND I FELT GOOD, HOW I LOVED THAT CHEST. IT WAS SO COMFY, IT FELT LIKE HOME. I FORGET HOW MUCH I HATE HIM AND I REMEMBERED HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM.
I CRIED AGAIN, THIS TIME IT FELT LIKE I WAS UNLOADING ALL THE BAGGAGE FROM MY PAST AS FAR AS I COULD REMEMBER.