TERRIBLE

WHO AM I? A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE PERSON. THAT WAS ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT IN MY MIND. I CRIED FOR LOTS OF REASONS BUT THE ONLY REASON WAS I FELT TERRIBLE AND CRYING MADE ME FEEL BETTER. THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT RELEASING YOUR ANGER THROUGH CRYING. YOU JUST FEEL UNLOADED. IT'S LIKE A SHOWER FOR THE SOUL.
THERE ARE MANY REASONS WHY I MOVED IN WITH TEE BUT THE MAIN ONE WAS I LOVED WHERE HE LIVED. THE PLACE WAS SURROUNDED BY TREES AND HILLS AND BEAUTIFUL ROCK FORMATIONS, BASICALLY IT WAS NATURE. I LOVE NATURE KEEPS ME SANE AND AT PEACE PLUS WHEN I SMOKED WEED ON TOP OF THE HILL JUST WATCHING THE SUNSET NO ONE BOTHERED ME, I COULD BE MYSELF AND GET AWAY FROM THE NOISE OF THE TOWN.
WHEN I FELT BETTER ABOUT CRYING AND MY TEARS FINALLY STOPPED ROLLING. I WENT TO MY WEED DEALER AND BOUGHT MYSELF SOME WEED. I WENT TO THE TOP OF THE HILL, SMOKED AND JUST WATCHED THE WORLD. IT WAS SO QUIET AND PEACEFULL LIKE MY TROUBLES DID NOT MEAN ANYTHING. LIFE JUST MOVED ON. THE BIRDS CHIRPED AND KEPT ON FLYING, THE WIND SWAYED THE TREES. I REALLY NEEDED THE PEACE AND I DID NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE ISSUE AT HAND.
I STAYED THERE TILL SUNSET, I IGNORED ALL OF TEES' CALLS AND PUT THE PHONE ON SILENT MODE.
I FELT TERRIBLE THAT THE ABORTION PILLS FAILED AND THAT I WAS ABOUT TO GET RID OF MY BABY THE SECOND TIME. I JUST THOUGHT "YOU KNOW MY CHILD, YOU ARE A SURVIVOR, DONT HATE ME FOR DOING THIS TO YOU AGAIN. I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO HAVE YOU BUT WHAT IF THE PILLS MESSED WITH YOUR GROWTH AND WHEN I GIVE BIRTH TO YOU, YOU ARE FACED WITH A LOT OF HEALTH PROBLEMS. THIS IS WHY I CANT HAVE YOU. PLEASE DONT HATE ME"
EVERY TIME I THOUGHT ABOUT THE BABY I CRIED A LITTLE MORE AND SMOKED A LITTLE MORE. I KNEW TEE WOULD BE MAD COZ I LEFT WITHOUT TELLING HIM AND DID NOT PICK HIS CALLS BUT HIS ANGER WOULD SUBSIDE ONCE I TELL HIM ABOUT THE PREGNANCY.
FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GO BACK HOME. I WAITED TILL DARKNESS MADE ITS WAY TO THE NIGHT.