DOWNHILL

on our second year into dating, i was beginning my second year second semester. luckily for me, the body was only weak, i did not have any complications. i was devastated, the fact that i had killed my child made me go crazy. to limit my craziness i smoked a lot of weed. now weed was my best friend, when i smoked it, everything made sense.

tee and i had not yet fought but after that abortion, we fought and argued all the time and the fact that we lived in the same house did not help. i blamed him for the abortion, coz i kept thinking that if i had not met him, i would still be a virgin, i would not have had sex and hence i would not have killed my baby.

he never complained he just let me rant all i want, i kept telling him that he has a heart of stone. how could he not feel the weight of what we had done. all he said was the deed was done and life has to go on. 

luckily for me i think he understood that i was going through a tough time.  my grades at the university were not doing any better. especially, with the abortion messing with my mind.

i couldn't even leave the house, the only time i left the house was to guy buy and smoke weed, i tried attending a couple of classes but things were never the same again. my social life was now non existence. my friends new something was up but they couldn't tell what, they just kept saying that since i moved in with tee i was different, i was not the same anymore. i could not tell them what i was going through or what i had done, i couldnt bear the judgement, the criticism.

my only luck was that tee was supportive, he kept me sane, tried to make me laugh and somehow when i laughed life made sense again, i told myself that i was meant to go through that journey. it was part of my story in life.