SAFE

OUR LOVE LIFE WAS BACK IN BUSINESS. I TRIED MY BEST TO FOCUS ON SCHOOL ISSUES SO THAT I MAY GRADUATE AND BE DONE WITH THAT PART OF MY LIFE. I WAS NOW IN MY THIRD YEAR SECOND SEMESTER AND MY SECOND YEAR INTO DATING TEE.
LIFE WAS BEAUTIFUL AGAIN, WEED KEPT ME BUSY AND SO DID PHOTOGRAPHY. MY FRIENDS THOUGH WOULD NOT GIVE UP ON MY SMOKING WEED. THEY KEPT SAYING "CHERRY YOU ARE NOT THIS KIND OF GIRL, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS" BUT THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND, I NEEDED WEED IT WAS MY SECOND LIFE.
TEE AND I CONTINUED HAVING SEX, UNPROTECTED BUT THIS TIME WE JUST HAD SEX ON MY SAFE DAYS TO AVOID ANOTHER PREGNANCY. HE WANTED US TO USE CONDOMS BUT I DID NOT. I HATED THE IDEA OF A MANMADE PLASTIC SUBSTANCE ENTERING MY VAGINA.
SO HE GAVE UP ON THAT TOPIC. BUT HE TOLD ME TO CONSIDER TAKING CONTRACEPTIVES AND I SAID NO. THE ONLY SEX WE ARE GOING TO HAVE IS ON MY SAFE DAYS AND IF THAT IS NOT WORKING WITH HIM, MAYBE HE SHOULD FIND SOMEONE ELSE. SO HE SAID ITS FINE HE LIKES MY TERMS AND HE WOULDN'T BRING UP THAT TOPIC AGAIN. SO THAT WAS SETTLED.
WE STILL LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE AND WE WERE A BIT BEHIND WITH OUR RENT, BUT THE LANDLORD LOVED US, HE DID NOT PUSH IT. HE JUST TOLD US TO MAKE SURE WE PAY WHEN WE DO GET THE MONEY.
EVERY ACTION HAS A REACTION, NO MATTER HOW SAFE I THOUGHT I WAS MY WORLD WAS TO CRASH AGAIN.

EMOTIONS

I FELT BAD FOR LEAVING HIM BEHIND, WHAT HAD HE EVEN DONE. I WAS BEING STUPID, THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS THAT I COULD NOT CONTROL MY FEELINGS BECAUSE OF HIM. IT WAS NOT HIS FAULT THAT GIRLS LIKED HIM, I ONLY HAD TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS AROUND SUCH SITUATIONS.
I WANTED TO GO BACK AND APOLOGIZE. HE HAD DONE A LOT FOR ME. THE HOUSE WE STAYED IN HE MOVED IN THERE BECAUSE OF ME, SO THAT WE WOULD HAVE A PLACE TO HANG OUT IN THAT WAS PRIVATE.
TEE HAD DROPPED OUT OF CAMPUS IN OUR FIRST YEAR. HE DID ODD JOBS TO TRY AND SURVIVE, HE DID NOT HAVE ANY SUPPORT FROM HIS PARENTS. HE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF.
THE PHOTOGRAPHY BUSINESS HE HAD BORROWED A CAMERA FROM HIS FRIEND AND HE JUST STARTED TAKING PICTURES, HE SAID THAT AT LEAST HE WOULD MAKE MONEY DOING SOMETHING THAT HE LOVED.
HE WAS ALWAYS OPEN WITH ME, I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW THE REAL HIM. MY EGO WOULD NOT LET ME GO BACK, SO I KEPT ON GOING HOME AND BOUGHT SOME WEED ON MY WAY.
AFTER GETTING HOME I DECIDED THE BEST WAY TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT I HAD DONE TO HIM WAS TO COOK. SO I BOUGHT SOME BEEF AND KALES AND SPINACH. AND COOKED FINGER LICKING FOOD AND SOME TEA TO WASH IT DOWN.
I HOPED AND PRAYED HE WOULD COME HOME, COZ USUALLY AFTER A FIGHT HE GOES OFF TO COOL DOWN AND THEN COME HOME ALL SORTED OUT. JUST AFTER I HAD FINISHED PREPARING THE MEAL, HE OPENED THE DOOR.
"HEY BABE?" HIS VOICE WAS JOVIAL
"HI"I WAS POOR AT APOLOGIZING. BUT IN LOVE, I HAD TO KEEP THE EGO ASIDE
"I SMELL SOMETHING DELICIOUS"
"MADE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ANGRY CHI" HE USED TO CALL ME CHI COZ OF THE ENERGY.
"SHE IS SOMEWHERE IN THERE, LET'S NOT WAKE HER UP NOW"HE KISSED ME
WE ATE ENJOYING THE MOMENT. WHEN WE WERE DONE EATING HE TOLD ME "BABE WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU SAW AT THE EVENT, I PROMISE YOU, YOU MISUNDERSTOOD, I WAS ONLY WORKING. AND HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU ALREADY STOLE MY HEART, ANYTIME YOU SEE ME ENTERTAINING PEOPLE, I'M DOING IT FOR OUR BUSINESS SO WE CAN HAVE THE LIFE WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT, OKAY?"
I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID OKAY. I MEAN THIS GUY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

OVER AGAIN

I AM THE JEALOUS TYPE. I DONT LIKE SHARING. WHAT IS MINE IS MINE. TEE AND I BEGAN PHOTOGRAPHY, TO HELP US BOND MORE AND IT WAS A BREAK FROM LIFE. IN ORDER TO PROMOTE THE BUSINESS WE PLANNED AN EVENT. WE INVITED FRIENDS AND PEOPLE.
UNIVERSITY STUDENTS LIKE FUN, IT WAS EASY TO GET PEOPLE TO COME TO THE EVENT. I WAS VERY VULNERABLE AND I NEEDED HIM SO MUCH I HATED IT, THE EVENT WAS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO BE AWAY FROM HIM.
HE IS A REALLY GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER, HIS PICTURES JUST WITH NATURAL LIGHT ARE THE BEST. AND AM A PERFECTIONIST SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW GOOD THE PICS REALLY ARE.
PEOPLE TURNED UP AS EXPECTED, MY FRIENDS CAME, FRIENDS OF FRIENDS. THE PLACE WAS PACKED. GOOD MUSIC TOO. TTHE EVENT WAS SUCCESSFUL AND OF COURSE, WE MADE SOME MONEY.
THERE WAS THIS ONE GIRL, SHE JUST KEPT HANGING AROUND TEE, I COULD TELL SHE WAS INTERESTED IN HIM. MY DEMONS WOKE UP. SO I TOLD MY FRIEND.
"DO YOU SEE HOW THAT GIRL IS FORCING HERSELF ON TEE, I'M SO MAD AT HIM, WHY IS HE EVEN ENTERTAINING HER" I JUST KEPT STARING AT THEM.
TEE WAS VERY SOCIAL, HE GOT ALONG WITH EVERYONE, I USED TO TEASE HIM ABOUT IT. GIRLS LOVED HIM. HE WAS FUNNY, AND HIS CHEST WHEN HE HUGGED YOU, YOU COULD JUST STAY THERE FOREVER.
ALL MY FRIENDS LIKED HIM, THEY ALWAYS ASKED FOR HIM, EVERY TIME THEY SAW HIM THEIR FACES WOULD LIT UP. BECAUSE THEY KNEW THEIR DAY WAS ABOUT TO LIGHT UP.
I WOULD FEEL BAD IN MY HEART OF COURSE BUT I WOULD PUT ON A JOVIAL FACE, I WOULD ALWAYS TEASE HIM ABOUT IT, AND HE WOULD TELL ME THAT HE ONLY HAS EYES FOR ME. I WOULD BELIEVE HIM AND LOVE HIM AGAIN.
I DONT LIKE GETTING ANGRY COZ I WILL DO SOMETHING I WILL REGRET LATER SO I DONT FIGHT AND I DONT LIKE CONFRONTATIONS. THE LAST TIME I FOUGHT WITH SOMEONE I WAS NEAR TO KILLING HIM. SO I JUST TRY AND CONTROL MY ANGER.
I DID NOT ASK TEE ABOUT THE GIRL BUT I DID NOT TALK TO HIM. WHEN EVERY ONE HAD GONE HOME AND WE WERE PACKING UP TO LEAVE, IT WAS JUST THE TWO OF US.
"CHERRY WHAT'S WRONG?" HE ASKED
"YOU ARE ASKING ME WHAT'S WRONG AND YOU HAVE BEEN FLIRTING THE WHOLE DAY"
HE LAUGHED "YOU ARE JEALOUS?"
HE WAS NOT GOING TO LAUGH HIS WAY OUT OF THIS ONE."I'M VERY SERIOUS, WHAT WERE YOU AND THAT GIRL TALKING ABOUT" I ASKED
"WHICH GIRL?"
"THE ONE WHO KEPT HOVERING AROUND YOU LIKE BEES"
"I DONT KNOW WHAT GIRL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT BABE, I WAS BUSY WORKING, YOU KNOW I'M DOING THIS FOR US"
WHAT A SMART ANSWER, BUT THIS TIME I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU GO THAT EASY.
I JUST WALKED AWAY AND LEFT HIM THERE TOLD HIM TO FIND ME HOME.

SECOND CHANCE

I HAD DECIDED NOT TO HAVE SEX AGAIN. JUST LIKE THE DAY NEEDS THE SUN, SO DID MY BODY NEED A DOSE OF ITS OWN MEDICINE. IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG FOR ME TO GO BACK TO THE ACT. THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ABOUT SEX YOU CANT STAY AWAY FROM IT, ONCE YOU TASTE IT, YOU NEVER GO BACK.

WHEN I FIRST TOLD TEE THAT WE WOULD NOT HAVE ANY MORE SEX AFTER THE ABORTION, HE LAUGHED AND SAID, "YOU WILL COME BEGGING ME FOR SOME"

I LAUGHED TOO AND SAID, "OH WE WILL SEE WHO WILL COME BEGGING THE OTHER". WE ACTUALLY STAYED FOR TWO MONTHS WITH NO SEX, LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AND SLEEPING ON THE SAME BED, YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE THE AGONY. AND THE BODIES BEING HOT FOR EACH OTHER THEY HAD TO BE COOLED DOWN.

ONE NIGHT WE WERE AT HOME, WITH SOME WEED, MOVIES AND OF COURSE FOOD. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHY HE DRUNK SO MUCH AND HE OPENED UP TO ME THAT I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THE ABORTION MESSED WITH AND HE WAS SORRY FOR THE WAY HE HAD BEEN BEHAVING LATELY.

AS LOVE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO STAY ANGRY, I FORGAVE HIM. HE WAS NOT ONE REALLY OPEN WITH HOW HE FELT. AND HE WAS NOT A DRUNK. SO I FELL FOR HIM ALL OVER AGAIN.  AND WE WERE BACK IN GOOD TERMS AGAIN, LAUGHING AND JOKING AND ENJOYING LIFE AND WEED OF COURSE. TEE WAS A GOOD GUY, I MEAN HE WAS THE BEST, NOT PERFECT OF COURSE HE HAD HIS OWN FAULTS, BUT IN MY HEART AND SOUL HE WAS THE LIFE.

I WAS NOW IN MY FIRST SEMESTER, THE THIRD YEAR, SCHOOL NO LONGER MEANT ANYTHING TO ME. I JUST WENT SO THAT I CAN FINISH UP MY STUDIES GET THAT CERTIFICATE AND CLOSE THAT CHAPTER OF MY LIFE. I WAS FEELING AS IF I HAVE BEEN SPENDING MY WHOLE LIFE IN SCHOOL.

A COUPLE OF  MY FRIENDS WHOM WE JOINED THE SCHOOL TOGETHER HAD ALREADY DROPPED OUT, I DID NOT WANT TO DROP OUT BUT I WAS WISHING I DID SOMETHING ELSE. GETTING TO UNIVERSITY MADE ME SEE THAT PEOPLE EXAGGERATED THE SITUATION. 

SO THAT NIGHT AFTER TALKING AND GETTING HIGH, WE JUST GOT STRAIGHT INTO THE ACT AND OOH IT FELT SO GOOD, FELT LIKE I WAS IN THE CLOUDS LOOKING DOWN AT THE EARTH. IN A HAPPY PLACE. IT WAS LIKE THE MEDICINE THAT I NEEDED. WE WERE NOW IN EACH OTHER'S GOOD GRACES. THE SEX WAS ALSO UNPROTECTED AGAIN. BUT I DID NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT AGAIN THAT NIGHT. THAT NIGHT I JUST WANTED TO ENJOY THE NIGHT LIKE I WAS NEVER GOING TO LIVE AGAIN.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS WITH LOVE.

LIFE GOES ON

SO, LIFE WENT ON, BUT NOT IN MY WORLD. MY WORLD WAS ALREADY CRUSHED BUT HEY I HAD TO ACCEPT THAT NO ONE FORCED ME TO DO WHAT I DID, I CHOSE IT MYSELF. THAT YEAR IN CAMPUS I FAILED ONE OF MY UNITS AND I THOUGHT, OH MY, THIS LECTURER MUST REALLY HATE ME, BUT IT WAS NOT HIS FAULT, I DUG MY OWN GRAVE.
SINCE WEED WAS NOW MY BEST FRIEND AND I SMOKED UP TO 5 BLUNTS A DAY, MY FRIENDS NOTICED, AND THEY WERE LIKE.
"HEY CHERRY, YOU GOTTA STOP SMOKING WEED"
 I TOLD THEM "YEAH SURE, WHAT DO YOU GUYS EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE."
"THEN TELL US WHAT IS WRONG, YOU WERE NEVER LIKE THIS"
"NO ONE IS THE SAME, EVEN THE DAYS ARE DIFFERENT AND THE SUN ALSO HIDES ITSELF BEHIND THE CLOUDS SOMETIMES"
THEY LAUGHED AND I KNEW, THANK GOD, YOU GUYS won't PRESSURE ME ABOUT THIS ISSUE AGAIN. WE MOVED ON TO OTHER TOPICS. I KNEW THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO STOP SMOKING WEED ANYTIME SOON, UNTIL I'M COMPLETELY HEALED, THOUGH I DIDNT KNOW WHEN THAT WOULD BE.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TEE WAS ON ANOTHER LEVEL, IT WAS OUR SECOND YEAR AND WE WERE ALREADY GETTING USED TO EACH OTHER AND WE LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE, SO THAT WAS INEVITABLE.
THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS HE STARTED DRINKING AND HE CAME HOME SO DRUNK AND LATER THAN USUAL. WHEN WE FIRST MET I LOVED IT WHEN HE WAS DRUNK COZ HE WOULD TALK NON STOP AND REVEAL THINGS THAT HE WOULD NOT SAY IN HIS NORMAL STATE. HE WAS ALSO VERY FUNNY WHEN HE WAS DRUNK, THAT WAS AN ADVANTAGE, WE WOULD LAUGH TILL OUR CHESTS ACHED.
I DID NOT THINK HOW THE ABORTION HAD AFFECTED HIM, HE WAS NOT ONE OPEN WITH HIS FEELINGS, ANOTHER THING I LOVED ABOUT HIM. ALCOHOL WAS HIS ONLY WAY OUT TO DEAL WITH THE ACHE, AT LEAST THAT WAS WHAT I THOUGHT.
WHEN THE DRINKING BECAME MORE USUAL AND THE HOURS AND SOMETIMES HE WOULD NOT EVEN COME HOME. I FELT AGITATED. I LOATHED HIM. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP AND ASKED GOD WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE.
BUT WHAT DID I KNOW?

THE FIRST TIME I KNEW I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM WAS ON CHRISTMAS EVE. THAT NIGHT WE TALKED FOR SIX HOURS NON STOP ON PHONE SINCE WE WERE BOTH WITH OUR FAMILIES.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS PEOPLE, SHARE LOVE THIS FESTIVE SEASON, SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY. 

DOWNHILL

on our second year into dating, i was beginning my second year second semester. luckily for me, the body was only weak, i did not have any complications. i was devastated, the fact that i had killed my child made me go crazy. to limit my craziness i smoked a lot of weed. now weed was my best friend, when i smoked it, everything made sense.

tee and i had not yet fought but after that abortion, we fought and argued all the time and the fact that we lived in the same house did not help. i blamed him for the abortion, coz i kept thinking that if i had not met him, i would still be a virgin, i would not have had sex and hence i would not have killed my baby.

he never complained he just let me rant all i want, i kept telling him that he has a heart of stone. how could he not feel the weight of what we had done. all he said was the deed was done and life has to go on. 

luckily for me i think he understood that i was going through a tough time.  my grades at the university were not doing any better. especially, with the abortion messing with my mind.

i couldn't even leave the house, the only time i left the house was to guy buy and smoke weed, i tried attending a couple of classes but things were never the same again. my social life was now non existence. my friends new something was up but they couldn't tell what, they just kept saying that since i moved in with tee i was different, i was not the same anymore. i could not tell them what i was going through or what i had done, i couldnt bear the judgement, the criticism.

my only luck was that tee was supportive, he kept me sane, tried to make me laugh and somehow when i laughed life made sense again, i told myself that i was meant to go through that journey. it was part of my story in life. 

ABORT

When i woke up, tee was already home and i was bleeding heavily. i had been warned that that would happen, so i knew that the pills were working. we did not talk much about the situation. tee only enquired how i was feeling and he took care of me.
the guilt wouldn't leave me but the deed had already been done. i had already completed my second year first semester exams. the abortion took place after i had completed my exams. i vowed to myself that i would not have any more sex.
the event drew us more closer, tee and i, if something the love grew stronger. i felt more vulnerable and i did not like how much i needed him. i needed time away from him, so we parted ways and i went back home. everytime i looked at my family, i thought to myself you people have no idea the things i have done. especially my mum.
she was a staunch christian. of course she tried for us to follow the lords ways and be committed. that i was, i had the lord in my heart, everyone is prone to mistakes even the ones we do knowingly.
tee and i kept in touch, he even came home to find out how i was doing. he gave me support and i loved that about him. sometimes i thought to myself that if i never met him, that would not have happenned to me.
he was a nice guy, of all the guys i had met before he was THE MAN. i never told anyone about what i did the only people who new were tee, vik and i. i like sufferring alone, helps me figure things out. there were no health complications untill four weeks later, by then i was back in school but was early by a week since the semester was yet to start.
i was home alone watching a movie, i stood up to go drink some water but then i fainted. my body just grew weak and my legs would not support me.

GUILTY

when i was done crying he asked me if i knew how to do it. i told him i did not but a friend of mine was gonna help me. we smoked some more weed and ate some more and slept on it.
i could not believe that i was going to have an abortion. i asked God to forgive me countless times and so did i ask my child.
a new day was here, the sun was up and the world was shining, but my world was crushing. it felt like i was in darkness. Tee wanted to come with me but i told him no, i was going to do this by myself.
i went and saw the guy, gave him the money and he gave me the pills and gave me the instructions on what to do.
as i went back home, all i thought about was how safe is this, what if i die? i had countless questions . just before i do it, i will have to think about it. i bought some weed, went home cooked a meal and put on a movie to watch. i was too afraid.
cherry you have to see this to the end, after smoking some more weed, i took the pills and slept.
tee was not home.

TERMINATOR

Evening came quite fast. I was not nervous about telling Tee that I was pregnant. But I was nervous about what I was about to do. One time we were having a conversation when we were still friends and he told me that a Girl had aborted his child. I was very sorry for him I mean why would she do that. back then I didn't know I was about to follow the same path. But the story was a lie as I came to find out later, only the words came true.
Tee came home that evening, we talked and laughed and ate and smoked some weed, life was amazing. Somehow I was trying to push the pregnancy talk aside, but I knew soon I would have to tell him.
I was two weeks pregnant when I found out, a friend of mine had told me that if I wished to terminate the pregnancy I would have to do it soon because when it reaches a month and so it would be difficult.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the idea of being pregnant but I wasn't ready. but since I was having reckless, fast and unprotected sex, what did I think would happen.
Finally, I decided that I wasn't going to sleep without telling him so I did.
"Tee I'm pregnant," I told him
"did you take the test?" he looked at me, I couldn't tell from his expression what he was thinking.
"how else would I know?" I looked back at him
"so what do you think? I mean do you want to have the baby?" he asked, I still couldn't tell what he was thinking, his expression gave nothing away. He was a hard Man to decipher. I loved that about him when we first met but now I don't like it. sometimes it just annoys me.
"No I don't, do you?"
"I'm down with whatever you want, I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do." was that some sympathy I saw in his eyes or love? couldn't tell.
"I never thought in my life I would ever have to do this" all of a sudden I started crying. I hate crying in front of anyone.
he turned up the volume so that the music would be loud and hugged me tight and didn't say anything he just held me and let me cry and cry I did.

DILEMMA

Here I was very happy on one hand that at least am not barren but then what will my parents say, how am I even going to raise a child with someone I have barely know for more than a year. We had just started dating. we were in one year. I don't want to raise a child alone, I want it to come to a complete family, Mother, Father, and child. Both living together in one room.
I told a friend of mine and he was very happy, he kept telling me congratulations and I was like thank you but  I can't keep this pregnancy.
"what? but why?"
"am still a child, I just can't do it"
"That's a lame excuse, have you told Tee?" he asked
"no I haven't but it doesn't really matter whether I tell him or not, I will still not have the baby"
"don't do this, you are going to regret this decision for the rest of your life" he begged me
"I know, but that will be my cross to carry"
"well I tried my best, never say I did not warn you when it all comes back to haunt you" he just looked at me with sympathetic eyes
"thanks, Vik I really appreciate it" and with that, he left.
Tee and I had already moved in together, actually am the one who just moved into his place with no warning whatsoever and kept lying to myself that I would leave and move into my own place but every time an opportunity presented itself for me to leave I always found a reason to stay.
Tee was out working that day and had not yet come home, so I decided that when he did come home I would tell him about the pregnancy before i do anything drastic.
I fixed myself a meal and waited....

LOVE

We were deep in love and life was worth living now that we had found each other. We fulfilled each other in all ways, but I forgot about school, I wasn't doing so well my grades kept on dropping but I didn't even care, I was like a woken lion.
The sex was great and we continued having lots of it, lots of unprotected sex. Since I was in high school I always wondered that what if I'm barren and I can't have kids, then what. I love children and I wanted to have lots of them and the continued act of having unprotected sex and my not getting pregnant even made me more worried.
The school was now at the back of my mind, I just went to lectures for the sake of it, I even missed some lectures. I every time I vowed I would do better, but every time something new came up.
My second year Second semester, Now weed was part of my life, I smoked like my life depended on it. It was something to do and it made me feel good, but that's the point of taking drugs, pushing your problems aside and feeling good.
At the end of my second year the second semester I missed my periods and what a shock I was pregnant. I was so excited, I kept saying thank God at least am not barren and now I can have lots of kids. The only problem was, I was still in school and what are my parents going to say. I can't raise a baby right now, I can't even take care of myself properly.
I did not know how Tee was gonna react but he was at the back of my mind, all I knew was it's up to me whatever I decide to do.

SKY HIGH

"you really have never smoked weed?" tee asked me
"yes I have never"
"then why did you lie?"
"I don't know, I always wondered how it would feel, you know, its something I always wanted to try"
"I can't blame you, I think I do understand" he grinned at me.
This really is a nice guy, I mean this guy meets all my wild dreams about a man that I always wanted and it's even better in reality. I wonder if he loves me coz I'm so deep into him.
"how does it feel to be high?"
"I don't know, I can't really tell since it's my first time, maybe I will know later on once I smoke some more. but I do feel pretty good."
"you know I love you" he looked at me
"I know"
"you do?"
"you can't resist a charming girl like me and I can see it in your eyes" he laughed.
"you really do love yourself," he said to me amidst his laughter
I laughed with him "well I have to" and we both laughed our hearts out.
what followed later was a series of high unsatisfiable sex back at his place. The following day was a Sunday and we always went to church together. It was something that we just did.

HIGH LIFE

"Are you High?" Tee asked
"I don't think so, I don't feel any different" i replied
"you are probably high you just don't know it" he started smiling
"you see how you are smiling, you are the one who is high" we both looked at each other and started laughing. Oh yeah, we are so high.
"I can't go back to the hostel like this, the girls are gonna know I'm up to something," I told him.
"let's go grab something to eat, you are hungry right?"
"I'm starving." wait, I'm I really high, is this how it feels to smoke weed. I don't think I feel any different and wait why I'm I having a conversation by myself?
"Tee I didn't know that weed is that cheap?" I told him
"I thought you know how much it costs, you told me you have smoked before" he stared at me.
"I might have stretched the truth a little bit"
"by how far?" he asked
"100%"
" tell me you're joking, you have never smoked weed before" he glared
"No, but now I have"I smiled at him
"never mind, we will have that conversation later" he smiled back

we went to a restaurant grabbed ourselves some food and oh it was delicious. weed has a way of making food taste delicious. To say that the day was amazing, that would be an understatement. I was in another world, a beautiful world.

and so my high life began

ADDICTION

"Hey Cherry, Do you smoke Weed?" Joe asked me, he was Tee's friend. Very close friends.
"No, I don't"
"You sure you don't want to?" he insisted
"yes I'm sure" that part I lied. I always wondered what weed was, how it would feel once smoked. it was one of my fantasies since i was in high school.
Back at highschool, my teachers used to joke that i smoke some, because i loved sleeping and i always aced my tests.
I have always found the art of smoking really wonderfull, just not tobacco.
"alright then, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me" i smiled at him and once they were done smoking we went shopping for some food, came back to joes place, cooked something delicious, talked and really laughed a lot. We were just so happy and we called it an evening.
We always had a lot of fun hanging out together.
When tee was taking me back to my hostel from Joe's place, i told him that i wanted to smoke some weed but not tonight, the followig day which was convenient since it would be a saturday. I didn't tell him that it would be my first time, i just lied that i had smoked before.
we agreed when we would meet and where for the session.

and just like that my weed journey began, I was now in my second year, the second semester.

DARK MOMENTS

"you wanna go for an HIV test? I asked him, this was one year into our intense romance and of course a lot of raw sex.
"yeah sure, why not? but i guarantee you that i am negative"
"i don't have any doubt about that" I replied. i trusted him so much like i would even give him my heart. Wait, i already did that.
We had not talked about love yet, we joked about it. Said how much we hate love and what lovers do. We were just denying ourselves the fact that we were hopelessly in love or at least i was deep in love with this man.
"Hello guys, Cherry you know that Tee is HIV Positive" We met with some of his friends on our way to the hospital.
"Yeah right" i replied. of course, i knew they were joking around.
We got to the hospital, had our tests taken and we were both negative.
"you had really believed that i was positive?" he stared at me.
"of course not" i laughed just to ease up the moment and we had a good laugh.
The series of unprotected wild sex continued and then boom! came my missing periods.

And right there the dark moments began

THE STARS

The sparks were there alright. You can't deny the body what it desires and the heart wants what it wants.
"let's just see what time will do" that was my reply.
he just smiled and said okay.
I didn't like the way he made me feel. i mean i knew love was going to catch up with me sometime, but, really now!
we got to the party and had a really great time.
the chemistry was intense, we couldn't keep our hands off each other and our bodies were on another level. They had their own language, all we did was obey.
life was sweet and so was love, for one year we were okay. we loved, we talked, we shared secrets, shared our fears, we were inseparable.
The romance was intense, we did everything lovers do, we had our crazy moments. One night we spent it at the police station coz love wouldn't let us get to the room. It was fun, scary thing was i wasn't even scared. It was like the best vacation.
 I abused a lot of Postinor 2 since my hormones were on their own journey and i was new to this game.

the game had its own rules, little did i know...

THE BEGINNING

"Did you love it?"
I just smile and stare at him. A million thoughts are racing through my mind, i just lost my innocence in a hostel bed. With a man that i have just known for a few months but my heart really seems to trust him and my body is just sooooo hot for him.
"It felt like i was in heaven, i have never felt this way before" he looks at me and smiles. I smile back.
Then it hits me, what if am pregnant? Oh My God, what am i going to do.
As if he is reading my thoughts he says, "you have to take postinor 2 (P2)" i stare at him. He continues "just so you don't get pregnant"
"what is that?" believe you me, i have never heard of that drug, i didn't even know there is a drug you take to prevent pregnancy.
"where can i find it?"
"we will just buy it at a chemist " he looks at me.
Am too embarrassed to go to a chemist, because am thinking, oh no,  the chemist is gonna know that i just had sex.
"you are the one who is going to buy," i tell him and he says okay
he buys the drug and i take it.
the rest of the way we dont talk, we just walk in silence. we were going to a party.
out of the blue he asks me, "are we going to do this again?"

what do you think my response was?

FIRST TIME

The first time i had sex was with my Husband. 
The chemistry was fierce and the Love was burning.
Back then he was just a good friend and we were just getting to know each other. 
I liked him and loved his body, his personality was different and i couldn't figure him out.
Curiosity led me to him. That was the reason he got access to my body.
I was a university student when i met him in my first year, the first semester. But i dint have sex with him until my second year, the second semester. I remember well because it was on a Saturday, April and the day i lost my innocence.
we had a good relationship because we were best friends, he would confide in me and so would i, we loved each others company and usually talked about how we were never ever going to get bored of each other.
The Love, The Sex was the beginning of a new chapter for me.
Tune in tomorrow to find out what happened.

PREGNANT

The mixed emotions associated with the first time you learn you are pregnant are unexplainable. the first time you realize that another being is within you. 

join me on my journey of motherhood, for the first time moms and also for the moms out there. we all have something in common to share as we journey on with our lives under the sun.

For the Men too, for they also play a role in our becoming mothers. 

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